Let's Talk Animals...

There is a plethora of funny animal pictures on the internet, these days. You know what my favorite activity is? When I get bored and no one wants to entertain me, I turn to Google. I search "funny animal pictures without captions" (and of course Google gives me pictures WITH captions, but that's a different topic altogether), and I sit for hours laughing at the hilarious narrations in my head. So today, I think I will give you a taste of what goes on in my head when I see these awesome pictures! 

http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/a-cute-funny-animal-pictures-7.jpg
"You mean...I'm not a mermaid?? *sniffle* Take the cake away! I don't even want it."

"Oh mah gaaahd, Marty! I can't feel mah lips....where are they?!"

And here is an example of what Google gives me when I add "without captions." Silly Google :D
Now, let's discuss the different type of people in the world:
The Overachiever
"She said go get the ball...I found three others on the way."

The Underachiever:
We all know the type...the ones that sit on the computer all day and surf the web for funny animal pictures, but they can't even come up with an original caption! Case in point.

The Wealthy:
Takes everything in excess.
 "Oh, yes, this is very good water you have in your village....Oh, this is the supply you use for the starving children's soup kitchen? My bad."

The Romantic:
The one that makes everyone else want to upchuck.
"Barry, I can't hold on much longer." "*whispers* Quiet!...My love, you are the most beautiful girl...you are a girl, right? Yes, good. A hamster could ask for! I want to gaze into your beady black eyes for the rest of my life...until we procreate and I find a new hamster woman. I love you so much!" "Oh, Barry! That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me."

The Overly Religious:
"Dear LORD, I pray for the world right now with all the sinners! I ask for your forgiveness. I splurged on a pair of $10 sunglasses yesterday, and we all know gluttony is a sin. Also, I looked upon half naked pictures of Jeff Gordon last night, and I desired...I lusted for his body. Please have mercy on my soul!"

The Insane:
"Can I touch your ear with my tongue so I can taste your deepest thoughts?"

Ok, back to funny narrations! (Sorry, I ran out of people ideas, but I'll take suggestions in the forms of comments.)

"Hey, buddy. This is a zoo, not a photo shoot. Five pictures is plenty for the family vacation album. Geez, some people."

 

"Sir, Sir? Excuse me, sir? Could you let go of my face...you're hurting my nose."

 

Well, that concludes the funny animal narrations blog, for now. There will be more, I'm sure. Any ideas are welcome. :) We appreciate you reading our blog. Feel free to show some love...anytime...
Happy pooping! And remember, animals will always be funny, if you make them say funny things.

Blossoming Under Ice

Ladies, we know how evil other women can be; not you, of course. Why are women so mean to one another? Really, this is an age old question. And every time I read a post about this subject, the answer is always the same. Everyone says "she's just jealous," but why would you assume that she's being mean because she is jealous? Maybe all women just have a problem with other women. Maybe it is a biological phenomenon. What if there is a hormone excreted every time you are around another woman that sends a shot of "straight bitch" through her veins? We don't actually have proof of this, but let's ponder the subject here. Keep an open mind.
While it may not be an actual hormone reaction, it may very well be how we are raised. Every woman knows that our goal in life is to find the perfect mate. This holds for all sexual orientations, just the connotation will differ. So you have millions of women going for thousands of men, or fewer women going for an even smaller amount of eligible women, right? Maybe our brains are trained to fight for the best significant other possible. Perhaps the reason we put other women down...I mean, the reason other women put you down is the fact that they are trying to lift themselves up to get the best partner. In a sense, this is jealousy at its most fundamental state, but it is not what many people consider a jealous woman. For instance, many people will tell you that if a girl calls you ugly, it's because she wishes she looked like you. The hypothesis we are presenting here is that she just wants others (mainly her partner in the cross-hairs) to find her prettier than you.
It is highly plausible that this hypothesis is accurate. For ages women have been playing this cat and mouse game where they treat the competition like animals. The presented hypothesis is based on the fact that most women grow up wanting children (or something to take care of). It is a scientific fact that men (that are attracted to women) are attracted to certain shaped women because it is a sign of childbearing ability; similarly, women want the best partner for child rearing. Instead of a "pissing contest," this display of feminine culture is a "bitch" fest. Putting others down is a woman's way of raising herself up... Darwin's survival of the fittest by fluffing the feathers. It is in essence, a mating ritual, in our opinion.
Thank you for reading our blog and don't be afraid to comment or follow us...trust us, we're flattered by your stalker tendencies.
Happy pooping. :) 

Why Wal Mart is A Successful Monopoly

Lately, many Americans have been feeling the pressure of rising costs on items such as gas, groceries, water, and decorative pillows. Items that one cannot do without have become increasingly unreachable as our economy goes along it's roller coaster path to depression. Now the question becomes, "where can we obtain these essentials for less?"
Wal mart's slogan has always been about saving us money, but how do they do it? Well if you consider other providers of items such as decorative pillows, you will notice that the items are less elaborate. What Wal Mart does is take out that middle step, completely. Even that extra two feet of thread increases the price of a decorative pillow a whopping five times! So for Anthropologie's $250 five palms pillow, Wal Mart has someone take out the silly tree design, and gives you a plain white pillow for under $20! Wow! And you know what is best about that plain, simple white pillow? You can afford to buy the materials to create your own design and paste it onto the pillow. Boom! That's what I call Saving money. Living happy.
Another popular commodity is the doormat. Now, for something that only serves to collect mud from the bottom of one's dirty sneakers, these little buggers cost quite a bit. At Bed, Bath, and Beyond, the $35 basket weave welcome mat may look super inviting. It may even trick you into buying it with it's promise of cleaner floors and shoes. But believe me when I say Wal Mart offers you the same rug for a full $5 less. Can't beat that price!
What about on the gasoline front? Well, Wal Mart offers their customers the 10 cents- a- gallon savings at participating gas stations. What a deal! That's like saving $2 dollars at the pump every time you fill up. And you know what you can spend that $2 on? A new decorative pillow! At Wal Mart.
Now consider your grocery bill. Say you are married with 2 kids. Well, at some grocery stores, even the store brand is more expensive than some of the name brand products. For those of you that shop at stores like this, you should definitely consider buying from Wal Mart. They claim to have locally grown fruit and veggies. Of course, by local, they probably mean within this great country. I know one thing for sure, the Great Value brand of Kool-Aid is about 12 cents cheaper. And Ramen noodles are even cheaper when bought from Wally World. Seriously, think of all the money you can save by shopping at Wal Mart.
Not to mention, there is one conveniently located in most cities. If there isn't one in your city, you should write the Wal Mart corporation, and see how fast they stick one of those Wal Mart Marketplaces in the middle of your peaceful suburban area. Watch the streets crowd with cars on Saturdays as people hurry in to catch some of those promised Low prices. Always. It's such a beautiful sight. And people wonder why Wal Mart is so successful. Well, not us! We shop strictly at our favorite local super center. This concludes our session on Wal Mart's monopoly on the finer items in life.
Happy pooping.