I Have An Ice Cream In My Pocket...

                             

In life, it is important to set goals for yourself so as not to become bored with life or acquire a melancholy disposition. In setting these goals you should remember to keep them flexible, but you should also make them to your own standards. It is never good to have goals set too low for your own life because then you aren't really achieving anything; however, setting the goals too high can lead to disappointment and pain. Here, I have compiled a list of my other half and my common goals. Hopefully, you will find it not only enlightening, but useful for setting your own goals.

Goal 1: Get a fabulous job.  While professional blogging seems to be a natural choice for us, because we’re so damned good at it, other career paths seem more lucrative considering our master skills. I’m sure we can continue the blog even after we find jobs that cater to our abilities more thoroughly, since you guys just love our blog so much. I mean, we are already at a whopping THREE followers! That is just INCREDIBLE! Keep up the good feedback, friends.  Really, you guys are our life. However, healthcare seems to be more of a common theme in our friendship. Both of us enjoy helping people, and making money. Maybe we will own an institute for psychiatric patients, one day. We can trick it out at Halloween and invite all of the high schools in our area to come tour it…in the dark!

Goal 2: Marry men…separate men. Yes, I do realize that we come off a little strong with our “other half” stuff. And while most men can’t handle women that know exactly what they want in life, we’ve had some luck with the dating scene. There was that one guy that honked his horn at us while we were crossing the street, on a “do not cross” signal. That’s always a good sign, right? We definitely want the men to be separate, unless they are conjoined twins. That would be really interesting. Then my other half would have to take my advice and move in with me and my husband as our “later-to-be nanny”! How exciting! Of course, I did offer her and her S.O. a suite of their own, and that’d be rather difficult to do with a conjoined husband twin. Well, needless to say, we’re still looking. And that brings us to the next goal.

Goal 3: Move out of Mom’s basement. The rent is fantastic here, but we sure would like some privacy. Mom likes to barge in on blogging time with milk and cookies. NOT ACCEPTABLE! A sense of privacy is conducive for an uprising blog (seriously, nearly 400 views in 3 months). Also, we will have the utmost comfort at our new place(s) because we can sit around in our “slumber party attire.” Who wouldn’t want that?

Goal 4: Learn a new language. This is my favorite because, well, I chose it. Learning new phrases in other languages is very important.  One very common phrase I have picked up over the years is “Me tango un gelado en mi bosillo” which, translated, becomes “I have an ice cream in my pocket.” You never know when you might need that one on hand when visiting Mexico. Also, I’d like to learn “where is the lion going” in Hungarian. All kinds of common phrases you might need in other countries would be useful. So maybe this goal is changing as we speak. This goal has now become Learn new phrases in another language. There are plenty of uses for that. Next thing you know, we may find our next career path is interpreting for royal ambassadors visiting the U.S.A. Never know!

Goal 5:  Own a helicopter. If we owned a heli, do you know how easy it would be to get to our goal jobs every day? Well, let me assure you it would be easy; especially if it’s with a hospital. Then we could land on the roof and take the elevator/ hovercraft to our desired floor! Not to mention the travel potential. You know what? Scratch this goal. We want a JET!

Goal 6: Travel to majestic places in our Jet...like New Jersey! No, just kidding. We have a desire deep in our loins to travel this beautiful world. I think the correct term is wanderlust. Like a colon impacted with poop, we are stuffed full of wanderlust. Our dream is to pack up a 60's VW van and travel until our little our hearts are content. Or at least, our bellies are full of new foods.

Goal 7: Have kids. Well, my other half wants to have kids. Not me. Well, I take that back. I will take kids, but for the simple fact that I want to own the world one day and “tengo en mi bosillo.” What better way to achieve this goal of world domination than to have little mini me’s running around? Of course, they’d probably gain my S.O.’s unfaltering good nature. Damn! Ok, so the best reason for each of us to have 10 children, other than having things to do our laundry and cooking FOR us, is that we can have them hang out and become close friends like we are. THEN WE TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!

So as you can see, goals can change in an instant. Goals are tangible, and are only meant to reflect your personal self, not what others expect of you. Of course, you may disagree. That’s the whole point of this blog, though: to show that everyone has a different opinion. This post shows that everyone has different goals. You probably won’t have similar goals to us, like Owning a Jet. What would YOU need a jet for? You’re not going to rule the world, so a simple hatchback will suffice for you.

Blossoming Under Ice

Ladies, we know how evil other women can be; not you, of course. Why are women so mean to one another? Really, this is an age old question. And every time I read a post about this subject, the answer is always the same. Everyone says "she's just jealous," but why would you assume that she's being mean because she is jealous? Maybe all women just have a problem with other women. Maybe it is a biological phenomenon. What if there is a hormone excreted every time you are around another woman that sends a shot of "straight bitch" through her veins? We don't actually have proof of this, but let's ponder the subject here. Keep an open mind.
While it may not be an actual hormone reaction, it may very well be how we are raised. Every woman knows that our goal in life is to find the perfect mate. This holds for all sexual orientations, just the connotation will differ. So you have millions of women going for thousands of men, or fewer women going for an even smaller amount of eligible women, right? Maybe our brains are trained to fight for the best significant other possible. Perhaps the reason we put other women down...I mean, the reason other women put you down is the fact that they are trying to lift themselves up to get the best partner. In a sense, this is jealousy at its most fundamental state, but it is not what many people consider a jealous woman. For instance, many people will tell you that if a girl calls you ugly, it's because she wishes she looked like you. The hypothesis we are presenting here is that she just wants others (mainly her partner in the cross-hairs) to find her prettier than you.
It is highly plausible that this hypothesis is accurate. For ages women have been playing this cat and mouse game where they treat the competition like animals. The presented hypothesis is based on the fact that most women grow up wanting children (or something to take care of). It is a scientific fact that men (that are attracted to women) are attracted to certain shaped women because it is a sign of childbearing ability; similarly, women want the best partner for child rearing. Instead of a "pissing contest," this display of feminine culture is a "bitch" fest. Putting others down is a woman's way of raising herself up... Darwin's survival of the fittest by fluffing the feathers. It is in essence, a mating ritual, in our opinion.
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Happy pooping. :)