To Become Undesirable

Today is a good day to talk about ways to be awkward. Since we are the queens of awkward, we are your perfect professors for this topic. Not only do we have 20+ years of being awkward under our belt, our greatest strength is in the art of deterring people. So for this post, we will discuss how to make people avoid you.

Step 1: Start spouting off random facts about yourself. No one loves listening to someone talk about him/herself more than is asked for. It will leave them no room to make a conversation, causing them to quickly abort the mission of talking to you.

Step 2: To be even more awkward, give them a half scared half ecstatic face. It will make you seem maniacal and desperate to the other person- like you have been waiting too long to talk to someone, and will probably  invade his/her personal space. That’s a big no-no. People that like small talk want to know that their conversations are going nowhere, especially physically.

Step 3: Just don’t reply. Once you have been handed the ball in the conversation, keep it.  Hold it like a precious stone, and pass it with excruciating pain like a gall stone. The other person will be forced to act on your silence by either passing up the conversation for other interesting people or come up with new material. Just maintain your silence, no matter what.

Step 4: Start ranting about something you aren’t really passionate about…that no one is really passionate about. Like why grass is considered green when there are most obviously other colors of grass, not to mention different shades of green that should be recognized. Or why dust mites are called dust mites when they aren’t even made of dust.

Step 5: Pretend you are an exotic animal, recreating noises and faces to match your persona. If you are an albino crocodile, latch onto your speaker’s finger when he is making hand motions to go along with his words.  His screams of pain will confirm that you have done well of making things awkward.

Step 6: Turn in circles. When you get sufficiently dizzy, don’t hesitate to throw up or lay down on the floor at the speaker’s feet. Likely, while you are spinning, the speaker will swiftly end all communication with you…for long term, reaching the desired effect.

Step 7: Don’t stop moving your eyes and blink rapidly. The speaker will probably be distracted by your behavior, rendering him/her speechless. You will look like you are in deep thought about something unrelated, which will deter further conversation.

Step 8: Cough or sneeze every two or three words your speaker says. It’s almost as annoying as being talked over. Seriously, try it. If you don’t want him/her to talk to you long, just interrupt every few words of his/her speech and he/she will eventually just stop talking altogether.

Step 9: Move your mouth as if you are a cow chewing cud when you are not talking. If you want to make it really awkward, do it when you ARE talking. Then when the companion asks you to repeat your statement, just mumble gibberish or splice words together so that it is completely incomprehensible. Eventually, he/she will give up and walk away exasperated.

Step 10: Wave your arms wildly and raise your voice at odd intervals when you are speaking. Your companion will be so afraid of being hit by your flailing arms (you might even consider smacking him/her a time or two) and disturbed by your tone, that he/she will get away from conversing with you as quickly as possible.

That concludes our steps on how to make people avoid you. If you have had any experiences that you would like to share, or maybe you try some of these ideas, please let us know through comments or messages. We appreciate all the views and love! You guys are great viewers. Hope you enjoy this post.

Til next time,

Happy pooping!

We just really liked this picture.