Geriatric Girls Gone Wild

Readers, we have come to the age of incontinence, disorientation, and early bed times. That’s right, we are becoming elderly.  The other day, we were having one of our world-renown slumber parties, and we were having a blast. When 9:30 p.m. rolled around, though, we were quick to put on our pajamas and jump in bed. What’s worse is we barely talked-we just went to sleep! Now, there are plenty of reasons why this could have happened. I mean, we are working and waking up earlier. So why, then, did my significant other, and I pee our pants because we were laughing too hard the next day? Incontinence is no laughing matter.  Here is a surprising statistic, ladies:” Between the ages of 18 and 44, approximately 24% of women experience incontinence.” That is approximately a quarter of the population of women. One woman bravely gives her testimony on the matter, stating “At first I only noticed that I leaked urine when I was lifting something very heavy or when I coughed or sneezed. Over time, it got worse.” We have a lot to look forward to, ladies. 

Of course, we also have the disorientation. It is somewhat normal for someone to go into a room and completely forget why they were going there; however, it is less understandable when this type of thing happens multiple times, daily. For instance, at our slumber parties, my significant other will become suddenly wide-eyed and start asking what we were talking about. I forget where I am, sometimes. Often, we will find ourselves walking along busy highways, not sure how we got there.

These aren’t the only signs of our growing age. We have also become bad drivers that yell at other bad drivers for not driving properly. You know the ones? The ones that blindly pull into a lane, causing the car next to them to either slow down or move over to avoid being hit, yet they yell at the driver in the adjacent lane for not moving over sooner. “I had my blinker on!” Yeah, that’s us, now. Oh, and how about the fact that we don’t like driving at night. Not only is that past our bed time, it is also way too bright for our feeble eyes with all these new-fangled LED lights that Acura and a few other companies have begun using.

Another issue that is huge for us, is that music seems to be too loud at times. The other night, while getting ready to go to an early enough viewing of a movie so we would be in bed at a decent time, we were playing music when we decided that it was too loud and we continued to turn it down considerably. For everyone reading this, this is not OK! We are in our prime and music should be too loud. 


To give you a little history on us, so you can see how much our funness has declined, I will share what our weekends use to be like.

• Friday- Meet up around 6 and head to my other half's apartment, of course not before purchasing an unreasonable amount of alcohol. Once there, we would invite some guys over or go to a bar. Once we were in the company of the other sex we would play beer pong, or cards, or even dance. Once we were a few drinks in, we would invite our male friends to join us in some good ole' fun time...if you know what I mean. Once we had discarded the other gender we stay up until the wee hours of the morning drinking and making an obscene amount of noise.
• Saturday- We would sleep until about 1 pm and then grab some lunch. On some occasions we would go to the nearest wal-mart or grocery store to buy ingredients for our own culinary endeavors. Once we reached late afternoon we would basically repeat the previous night, but it would be 10 times crazier.

As you can see, we have declined greatly and have fell into a rut. Some people may say this is all apart of growing up, but to those individuals I would like to say "Screw YOU!!". You probably haven't sharted in your pants in the last week because of a sneeze.