We arrived at our destination, and upon checking-in, we realized that the gentleman at the front desk was giving us weird looks. We concluded that he must have thought we were lovers due to our giggly, excited attitudes towards one another. In all honesty, we were excited because we never do anything exciting and this trip was so spontaneous for us, even though it took two months for us to plan it. The attendant handed us our keys to our bedroom on the third floor. We hoisted our bags onto our shoulders and headed for the elevators. These elevators were probably the slowest, creakiest hotel elevators either of us had ever been on. It took a whole ten minutes just to get to our room. Upon entering, we kicked off our shoes and released our baggage before collapsing onto our king sized bed-which resembled a size between a king and queen, if you ask me.
Lying in bed, side by side, we suddenly noticed that there was a multitude of bugs in one corner. We discovered upon closer inspection that our room was the lady bug honey moon suite. There was a large cluster of the beautiful beetles in one corner of the closed window. Not sure how they got in, but they weren't unwelcome guests considering what else could have been in the room. We decided to investigate the whole room, just in case. The bathroom was spotless, other than some standing water in the tub. Everything looked great. We got our box of nerds, and we settled in for the night, flipping on some HGTV, and slept like the dead.
Our plan for the next day consisted of going to a cave and possibly some other odd and end activities. However, after our adventure through the cave, all thoughts of activities went out the window and we returned to our room for a siesta. When we awoke from our nap it was time for our romantic reserved dinner. I mean, what's a best friend honeymoon without a romantic dinner? We arrived slightly early, due mostly to excitement. The meal was bland, but the entertainment was pretty good. After becoming exasperated with our waitress, we left the restaurant and began our search for the nearest packaging store because we had clear intentions of getting drunk off our asses. After all, when life has you down the best way to get back up is having a night of complete oblivion. Here I have to give some back story. We were both having some difficult times. Family members were sick, significant others were being douche bags, and work was becoming exhaustingly slow. That's why we needed a break; however, the drama followed us to the mountains, so we decided to numb the stress through consumption.
Once we had our happy juice in hand, we were on our way to party it up at the hotel. We got to our room and because my other half was having relationship problems, we made an "angry break-up" playlist on the good ole' iPod. Because at this point we had already downed one or two glasses of a delicious tequila mixture, our playlist was somewhat irrelevant to our desired goal. I mean, since when is "Rape Me" from Nirvana relevant to a shitty move from your boy/girlfriend? (Other half here: it's related because s/he took everything from me! S/He raped me of my emotions!!! The real question is, when was that song by The Talking Heads added? That one still eludes my understanding.)
After our playlist was done, we danced and we danced hard. We also procured scratches and bruises from our "hard" dancing due to our alcohol intake. Not to mention the falling into walls and off the bed- it was like a dirty dance video gone awry. After our impromptu dance party, we decided it was time for some drunk dialing. After all, there is nothing more flattering than getting a drunk call from someone. We called one of our dear friends, but unfortunately not much was remembered from that conversation. Afterwards, we started texting the evil girl/boyfriend who drove my other half to ingesting the devil's water.
Within an hour and a half, our bottle of tequila was gone and we were jonesing for some water fun. We headed downstairs and tried our luck at getting into the hotel whirlpool. When we got down there, the whirlpool was closed; we then asked the front desk if the pool was open. Though it was about 45 degrees outside, we were determined to have some fun. Somehow, our deadened brain cells knew that the alcohol would keep us warm. Our joy was crushed when we found out the pool was closed as well. When we get back to the room I have a stroke of genius. We made our own whirlpool in the bathroom tub. By this time you have to understand that the whole bottle of tequila was now residing in our tummies, and our heads were in a complete fog. The fact that the bathtub was only as big as an ordinary house tub was irrelevant at the time. We stripped down (completely) and got in our homemade whirlpool. We splashed and laughed, but something was looming. My other half broke down in tears so I embraced her, not caring that we were both naked. That's what best friends are for, after all.
Once we were out of the tub and had gotten half of our clothes back on, I heard a loud thud. Near the door, lying face down, was my poor friend. She had given in to our wild and crazy night as well as letting go of her dinner from earlier. As I traveled across the room I began to notice the floor was becoming closer to my face than it should. I then realized I was immobile on the floor before making it to the rescue of my friend. I continued to lay there for an unknown amount of time when I finally found the energy to move my legs. I got to my friend and urged her to the bed only for her to throw up again on the sheets. The next thing that is remembered is lying in a dark room and emptying my stomach on my side of the bed.
The next morning, around 6:30, we both woke up to the unknown condition of our room and no memory of the previous night. When my other half began the search for her phone we felt as though we were in our own "Hangover" movie. We were very hesitant to go into the bathroom for fear there would be a tiger waiting for us. Once we were fully awake, I went to the refrigerator to grab a water and lo and behold, there her phone sat in the refrigerator next to her leftover salmon. She had two voice mails and a few texts from her boyfriend worried for our safety. We wondered how and why he knew we had been drinking. With further investigation we realized she had sent him texts claiming he was a "stupid haaaass" and that we were friends "forevah!".
Around 7:30 am we decided to indulge in the free breakfast that was provided by the hotel, even though we still had a good amount of alcohol in our systems and we felt very rough. After a waffle, one serving of eggs, and about 5-10 pieces of sausage each, we decided to retreat to our room to put some of the pieces together. The room embodied the scent of tequila, puke, and shame. Our environment had yet to stop spinning and we were in no shape to drive home so we opted for a late check-out. Come noon, we could no longer tolerate the smell and packed our stuff. We left a nice tip for the housekeepers along with a note apologizing for the puke stains, the clogged tub, and horrible smell.
There is the majority of our vacation for your eyes, only. Hope you enjoy our adventures...we sure didn't. Ok, that's a lie. We had a blast. We just can't remember most of it, and it cost us more than just our dignity. Hopefully you will learn a lesson from this story. Don't eat salad or salmon or ribeye if you plan on drinking a quart of tequilla afterwards. It'd probably be best to eat a lot of bread, instead. Anyways, maybe you just shouldn't drink to get wasted? That's what we learned. Next time, once again, we'll be going for slightly tipsy. HAHAHA!
Happy pooping, y'all! Come back, ya hear?
We're too gangsta to be hipsta. Love us. :)
Our plan for the next day consisted of going to a cave and possibly some other odd and end activities. However, after our adventure through the cave, all thoughts of activities went out the window and we returned to our room for a siesta. When we awoke from our nap it was time for our romantic reserved dinner. I mean, what's a best friend honeymoon without a romantic dinner? We arrived slightly early, due mostly to excitement. The meal was bland, but the entertainment was pretty good. After becoming exasperated with our waitress, we left the restaurant and began our search for the nearest packaging store because we had clear intentions of getting drunk off our asses. After all, when life has you down the best way to get back up is having a night of complete oblivion. Here I have to give some back story. We were both having some difficult times. Family members were sick, significant others were being douche bags, and work was becoming exhaustingly slow. That's why we needed a break; however, the drama followed us to the mountains, so we decided to numb the stress through consumption.
After our playlist was done, we danced and we danced hard. We also procured scratches and bruises from our "hard" dancing due to our alcohol intake. Not to mention the falling into walls and off the bed- it was like a dirty dance video gone awry. After our impromptu dance party, we decided it was time for some drunk dialing. After all, there is nothing more flattering than getting a drunk call from someone. We called one of our dear friends, but unfortunately not much was remembered from that conversation. Afterwards, we started texting the evil girl/boyfriend who drove my other half to ingesting the devil's water.
Once we were out of the tub and had gotten half of our clothes back on, I heard a loud thud. Near the door, lying face down, was my poor friend. She had given in to our wild and crazy night as well as letting go of her dinner from earlier. As I traveled across the room I began to notice the floor was becoming closer to my face than it should. I then realized I was immobile on the floor before making it to the rescue of my friend. I continued to lay there for an unknown amount of time when I finally found the energy to move my legs. I got to my friend and urged her to the bed only for her to throw up again on the sheets. The next thing that is remembered is lying in a dark room and emptying my stomach on my side of the bed.
There is the majority of our vacation for your eyes, only. Hope you enjoy our adventures...we sure didn't. Ok, that's a lie. We had a blast. We just can't remember most of it, and it cost us more than just our dignity. Hopefully you will learn a lesson from this story. Don't eat salad or salmon or ribeye if you plan on drinking a quart of tequilla afterwards. It'd probably be best to eat a lot of bread, instead. Anyways, maybe you just shouldn't drink to get wasted? That's what we learned. Next time, once again, we'll be going for slightly tipsy. HAHAHA!
Happy pooping, y'all! Come back, ya hear?
We're too gangsta to be hipsta. Love us. :)
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